Laws of Attraction Pt. 2

Everytime I start writing this...I keep wanting to add stuff.

But from who?

Chunky Love

This is an area very near and dear to me because I’m chunky/thick/big/big-boned/large/heavy-sat/fat. There are plenty of people who have both been attracted to and repelled by my size. Weight for me has always been an issue. I was never really a small or skinny kid. You come to accept that. With size comes certain social expectations and predetermined roles. People either assumed I was nice and jolly or scary and mean. When it came to romance, people continued to reinforce this notion that certain women were out of my league purely because I was big. Being fat limited my social options and made me more inwardly focused and made me more observant of how social interaction was supposed to take place. It forced me to try to understand what the rules were to this game called life.

I dunno whether you were big or not...just making the point that in your life you were not loved in a healthy way which culminated in your blow-up...just clarifying

Things like the popular only going out with the popular, jocks and cheerleaders, nerds and nerds, fat and fat, went a long way toward not only lowering my self-esteem but to also make me bitter and resentful towards “the beautiful people”. If I had a nickel for every time I heard, “you’re a great guy but…”, “well, the thing is…”, “I do like you but not in that way.” and my favorite, “awww, that’s so sweet,” I would’ve been able to pay for all four years of Howard, on campus out of pocket lol. Rejection makes you overly self-conscious and very shy. No one enjoys being hurt. I would hate it when people would attempt to cushion the blow of rejection for me by trying to “spare my feelings” or “say it in a nice way” because no matter what was said or how it was said the same impending hurt was still coming and I still wasn’t going to get what I wanted. What kind of compounds this issue is that as a man, there generally is no effective or acceptable way of expressing hurt and anguish. While society has allowed men to be more open with their feelings often they are not met with the kind of empathy required because there’s always that fear that your boy will turn out soft. “You’ll be ok”, “suck it up”, “take it like a man”- these statements do nothing to alleviate hurt feelings; it merely suppresses them until those unresolved emotions erupt in violent ways (**cough** Chris Brown). I know my self-esteem suffered as a result of this.

For big/plus-sized women, there appears to have been progress towards including them in the discussion of what it means to be a woman, largely because they have made their voices heard. I see these Playtex ads with women of some size whose waists are in the high single digits and the teens being upheld as the standard of womanhood as they talk about one of the more intimate and important things for women, bras. That as well as Tyra’s continued inclusion of plus-sized models on her hit show America’s Next Top Model gave me some hope t hat the American standard of beauty was changing. Simultaneously, the role of larger women on TV and in movies largely hasn’t changed. They are always the mother, the dumb, devoted wife, the loudmouth, or the single, funny, lonely sidekick. Women of size hardly, if ever play, the beloved wife, the seductress, or the intentional heroine. Occasionally, they get to portray the freaky-deaky ho but that’s usually to highlight their poor self-esteem. They are not billed as leading ladies or box offices draws. They are simply minor characters who appear to simply be there for representative purposes. Women of size have been robbed of the social attractiveness.

She's not as hot in this picture...but you know that popped in your head

By contrast, men of size, while they have more options are typically portrayed in the same manner. Often on TV, there’s a large man with a slim, very attractive wife. This seemingly contradictory pairing leads to its own natural punch lines like fat jokes and questions as to why and how they even got together in the first place. Big, single men are pretty much always desperate or the wingman who assists on the booty but gets none of his own, other than the occasional leftover scraps. Why does size always have to be a point of reference? Can’t we just love and appreciate each other for the skin that we’re in, even on tv? Whether it’s on tv or in real life, fat jokes are always acceptable and never ill-timed or ill-conceived. Maybe tv/ real life is engaging in the practice of “negative elevation”, making people feel so bad about themselves that they are utterly compelled to do something. While that does work, is it the most effective method when it causes people to commit suicide based on body image disillusionment? Self-esteem is a powerful thing.

Just kinda rapping this section (sorry I got a lil emotional lol), one of my biggest pet peeves (and it’s really kind of a small thing) is when people constantly feel the need to refer to me by my size. You don’t not have to put “big” on the front of everything for me to know that you are talking to me. I’m not oblivious. I do understand that it’s the easiest thing to say and a common point of reference but let’s be a bit more creative. Also, people of size often don’t show themselves enough love or the people that are also of size. Statements like, “I’m big but I’m not THAT BIG!” aren’t helpful to the self-esteem of others. How bout we go workout together? This semester you can catch me in the pool four days a week. lol

Holla Gone Wrong

Can he holla at ya?

“Hollas Gone Wrong” or HGWs are the main reason that most of us have friends of the opposite (or same sex). I can’t count the number of females that I have become friends or associates with because at one point I was attracted to them and wanted something other than friendship. I think the same is true for quite a few males. And tacitly, I do believe that this applies to females as well. One of my favorite things to do is sit on the yard and watch HIPs (Hollas in Progress). No matter what your relationship may be to a female you can always tell when another guy is interested in her. You can feel it. (Whenever women say that they don’t understand men, I don’t get it. We’re very simple.) When a person is interested in another person, they are intent, engaged, and very protective.

I think all people were programmed with certain physical techniques that they use to fend off those who may be interested in that other person. Whether it’s as blatant as an arm around the shoulder or that subtle lean-in, everyone has a move. Conversely, everyone also has a move to show disinterest. You try to create separation and move out of what in proxemics is referred to as “intimate space”. Building relationships is highly theoretical. You come up with a hypothesis, test it out, if it works you stick with it. While some may leave well enough alone, I always enjoy watching the dogged persistence with which some people approach others. (Ohh, you’re washing your hair Friday. But what about Saturday? What about Sunday? Lol)

It really isn't...good growth process...hurts like a mutha tho

Within the realm of HIPs, supposing you get past the initial phase, there’s comes a point in the relationship where interest generally has to be declared or the opportunity is permanently lost. The person who is in pursuit will more than likely try to plan an outing during which to showcase the non-platonic side of himself, which will allow “hopefully” the pursued individual to see this other side and have a “hmmmm…” moment in which they reevaluate the role that they initially saw the person occupying in their life. Outings like this are generally at night because the evening tends to lend itself to romance and there’s more stuff to do. Sometimes, HIPs don’t even get to this point. More often than not they don’t. The pursued individual becomes more and more elusive and vague and non-committal, will do things like offer to hook you up with a friend (aka the push and pass) or always want to keep things as public and open as possible.

An HGW is reinforced by the constant nudging of the pursuer into that nebulous sexual hell known as “The Friend Zone”. The platonic nature of your relationship is constantly reinforced through doing the things that she/he would expect their buddies to do or try to force their significant other to do, e.g. shopping. However, The Friend Zone isn’t necessarily a bad thing. For an opportunist, allows them the proper vantage point from which to get to that new friend’s single and more open-minded friends. We cannot regulate attraction or chemistry but I’m a proponent of making lemonade out of lemons. If she/he were right for you, they would be with you.

Final Thoughts

The micro-question in all this is “How much does effort really matter?” If I go out of my way for you, if I change myself for you, if I hound you down, does that impress you? Does that bring us closer? My answer would be while it may bring one side closer, the one who is constantly making all the concessions and all the compromises is moving further and further away from who he/she is. When people say stuff like “I want somebody to find me”, it makes me upset. Yes, we all want love to magically appear into our laps but life generally doesn’t work that way. Love is a happening of space and opportunity.
Daily, many of us miss out on deep connections we could have by chasing an elusive ideal which may be what we want but far from what we need. I believe that love happens organically. It is not more or less of one individual. It is a constant exchange of energy from one body to another keeping the synthesized whole intact. It can’t always be 70% you and 30% me or vice versa. There will be moments definitely where one of us might be stronger than the other but that one is not static or fixed. That’s how relationships end- platonic and romantic. We’ve got to respect the energy.

It's not always gonna be this way...but you have to balance it out and keep the whole intact.

The Laws of Attraction, Part One

So, it’s fall - my second favorite season. The leaves change, classes start, and you say goodbye to your summer dalliances and flings. For some people this is also “boo-ship” season- the time where you begin the process of investigating serious prospects in your romantic life. Whether it’s the new guy or girl in your class/dorm/job or someone who you knew previously but never quite made it to that next level with, the freshness of fall opens eyes and hearts. So in that spirit, I want to talk about relationships.

The 80/20 Rule

Is your house in order?

I feel like by now most of us are acquainted with the philosophy of the 80/20 rule which states that in your relationships you only get, at most, 80 % of the things you want and need with the other 20% as a constant nebulous temptation. By rough estimate (lol), I’ve been in 5 “relationships” and I don’t think I’ve ever been the 20. Maybe that’s a bit cocky of me to postulate but in an honest self-appraisal, I’m pretty awesome. I’m smart, talented, driven, honest, mature, giving, open-minded, confident, caring, and masculine. Conversely, I’m out of shape, “cold (so I’m told)”, blunt and not very fashionable. Personally, I’d like to think that my pluses outweigh my minuses but a couple of my exes, particularly my most recent, seemed to disagree with that.

All of this really got me thinking about the premise of the 80/20 rule. The question that kept coming to my mind is how does one develop their own individual concept of the 80 or the 20? I realized that, as with most things in life, it’s a matter of personal priority which is greatly influenced by society on both the micro and macro level. Each of us has a personal checklist of attractive qualities that are ranked and weighted in terms of their importance to us. For example, the number one thing on someone’s list could be intelligence which will account for 25% of what it is that you are attracted to. At the opposite end of the spectrum could be income, which could account for 1% of attractiveness. I guess this is a intellectualized way of saying everyone likes different things in people to varying degrees and the accumulation of these attractiveness points is what propels us to approach someone or take interest in them.

Destroy and Rebuild it

The reason I find it so necessary to state all of this is because so many of us go into relationships believing that romance is somehow equalized and that we share the same point of reference in terms of attraction. The things that make up each person’s 80 or 20 differ. Hypothetically, it could be one or two crucial things that that person believes that they need in a relationship or it could be a collection of much smaller thing which constitutes that 80. The more diverse that 80 is the more likely the relationship is to last. I believe that everyone gets into relationships believing that they have found the 80 or are the 80. No one commits just to break it off. What constitutes your 80 is something that matures and is developed over time (aka trial and error, aka heartbreak and heart-mending). You don’t know what you really need out of a relationship until you’ve been in a situation where you didn’t have it.

When Losing is Winning and Winning is Losing

I think this is the most important thing that I learned from my last relationship. Sometimes losing the other person gives you a chance to win yourself back. And sometimes times winning that person back, conversely, forces you to lose yourself. When relationships hit the rocks, there’s a point where you have to decide whether this thing is totaled or is salvageable. I wish I had been able to recognize the wreckage for what it was, totaled, instead of for what I wanted it to be, salvageable. In my last relationship, we came to that point and me being the kind of guy I am, I wanted to try to revive something that I knew in my heart was on life support and breathing through an iron lung.

Think: What's the best tool for the job?

Trying to fix that thing was like trying to pound in a nail into a wall with a screwdriver. Sure, you can get it in there but the damage done makes it worthless. So much time and thought and pressure and anxiety is spent on trying to get this nail in, on trying to revive this patient, that you fail to realize that the damage is done and it’s dead. Then once it dawns on you that you are not Jesus or Bob Villa, you realize that you lost more trying to win than you would have in letting the loss be a loss.
You cannot make people be the way you want them to be. You can advise; you can instruct; you can guide; but, you cannot decide for them. And if you manage to cajole someone who doesn’t want to be with you into being with you, if you win their “commitment”, what is it really worth if it wasn’t mutual or not coerced or freely given. Yes, hurray, you won- something that was already lost. That makes no sense. It’s abusive to your self-esteem. You deserve better than that. The people that are meant to be in your life are going to be there. Wrong makes room for right.

Being single gives you room to reclaim to your personal identity from the new one that you forged with the person whom you entered into that relationship with. You can’t have a life inside of a relationship unless you have one outside of that relationship as well. When people say things like “all I need is my man”, it’s simply untrue. Being in a relationship shouldn’t stop you from being the complete and fully-functioning person you were before that relationship existed. If you lose that, then the relationship is hopelessly lost. You sacrificed yourself for the sake of a relationship that wouldn’t let you be yourself? Really?

Get On My Level

Where do you fit in?

This notion borrows a little from the 80/20. I’m not sure whether this is a learned behavior or a natural one but I’m willing to bet my money that society is to blame. In society, there is a well-known but only tacitly acknowledged concept of stratified attractiveness. (Random aside: I’ve always wondered if there is a such thing as universal attractiveness- tell me what you guys think.) Attractiveness is often ranked or tiered based on outward appearance, material possessions/personal style, and personality (with the scale lending itself more heavily to the first two). Society, in my opinion, reinforces these tiers through shows like “Beauty and the Geek” and every high school show where there is a clear demarcation between who’s “cool” and who’s not, who’s socially acceptable (and in what situations) and who isn’t. Think about the “nerd” who decides to ask the head cheerleader out. More than likely in this scenario, the nerd will run it by his friends who will comment on his boldness and daring (which intimates that she is in some way superior to him). When he finally does approach her, supposing he gets the words out, even if she likes the guy, she is more than likely confronted with the dilemma of personal desire and social responsibility. She knows she faces stiff social rebuke if she say yes even if she wanted to.

One day a couple of weeks ago, I overheard two girls discussing this notion as they were walking across the yard. One girl was talking about some show she had seen where they were discussing how people of similar attractiveness levels tend to gravitate towards each other, often out of fear of social rebuke. And I thought to myself what a bullshit concept. Not bullshit in the sense that it’s not true but bullshit in that sense that it’s a faulty reason to date or be attracted to anyone. Everyone should feel free to like who they like, approach who they want to approach, and date who they want to date. I know I do. My personal philosophy has met with a lot of conflict. I’ve been told to “step my game up”, “come correct”, or “get on their level”. My question to them is what gives you that “level”. And the most honest answer is that we did, society did. Social attractiveness is defined by how other interact with you. If you wonder why that lightskinned boy, with the pretty eyes, the wavy hair, and the muscles, is so cocky, the reason is that we, society, gave him that inflated sense of self-worth by giving him privilege over others that we deemed less attractive. This is how we instill social values by making other folks feel better at the expense of others. Are we really that insecure?

Where does your current situation fall?

Hip-Hop(In Social Application) {Conclusion}

Part 3 (Niggaz and Bitches)

One of the most interesting social phenomena of Hip-Hop is the ability to transmogrify words in context. (Yes, I just wanted to use a new word I picked up right there. I’m so showing off.) . As evidence of this occurrence, I offer you two words that are wildly different from their original intent today, bitch and nigga (-er, -uh, nicca, nucca).

In first looking at the word “bitch,” while the social stigma of being called a bitch will probably never become a compliment for most men (no need to elaborate here), it seems to have taken on a different connotation for a lot of young “urban” women and effeminate gay men. It has become a compliment, a term of endearment and apparently a means of empowerment. In asking one of my effeminate male friends why he uses the word “bitch” as a compliment, he stated that it was their (referring to effeminate gay men and women) way of saying that someone was “fierce” and “doing their thing” or “putting it down” as it were. If we look at Hip-Hop culture, really music as a whole if you want to look at Alanis Morrisette, the 90’s, the decade of Hip-Hop’s enthronement, took “bitch” to an entirely different level. Progressively, “bitch” has worked its way into public acceptability, even on network television.

Hip-Hop/R&B female heavyweights like Beyonce, Eve, Trina, Lil Kim, and Foxy Brown have all referred to themselves as bitches. The contextual meaning of bitch became that of a domineering woman who was in a take charge mode. It appeared to be an attempt by women to flip the connotation from that which left them powerless to that which made them powerful. The theory being that if they, being women, accept the name then they can give shape to it via their actions, which to some extent is true. However, as women moved up the ladder in industry, that success came very, very slowly in the Hip-Hop Community and that power play that women tried to make didn’t supplant the original subservient, second-class, needy, dependent aspersions of a bitch, it just simply made room as subcategory.

Maybe, embracing the word “bitch” is a way in which females have decided to take destiny into their own hands and create their own definition. Has anyone else noticed how progressively masculine females (through musical representation) have gotten lately? Everyone was “bossy” but now they’re all “divas” a.k.a female versions of a hustler. Do women feel as though they need to put on this persona to gain the respect of men and to place themselves on equal footing or is this just simply where women are at right now?

Hip-Hop, really the music industry at large, is heavily patriarchal and masculine. It caters almost exclusively to the needs, interests, and wants of its male consumers. Often, the only reason that some of the softer songs get played is because there’s this need to appease women, instead of making them equal partners. In subscribing to the masculine definition of bitch, you have to wonder how women devolved from being women to animals. Here is where I would like to call upon the lyrical genius of Too Short in his song, “You Nasty” and NWA in "A Bitch is a Bitch":

You Nasty
A lot of women like to be called a bitch,
I'll break it down so you understand all of it
I always thought I was an educator,
I might not love her, but I never hate her…
Now yall wanna get mad at me,
For talkin about another young, nasty freak
Its life, its not a major catastrophe,
You aint a ho cuz you givin up the ass for free, you nasty

I know why yall mad at me, I aint break your heart girl (you nasty)
Man, these bitches trippin (you nasty)

Too many tight lil dresses with no panties on,
Too many females tryin to take a man home
Where your mommy and your daddy at?
Just because a player got a cadillac
You wanna lay in the back, with your face in his lap,
All you gotta do is taste that
You get to ride, get used all the time,
I aint made the situation I just made the rhyme
Adapt to my surroundings, look around
Nothin but pimps, tricks, and hookers found
In the Town, if you aint one you the other,
I aint fooled, what you gonna do to a brother
Never took the time to explain myself,
But keepin it real is somethin I can’t help
I know some real women, I know some real hoes,
And male-bashing songs, I don’t feel those…
If it wasn't for the groupies or for the oral sex they gave me,
I'd treat you all like ladies
Im just a victim of society,
Look me in my eyes and dont lie to me
You ever had a one-night stand and go to church the next day?
A full night of play, wake up and pray
Wishin you could stay, but you caint'
Oh you a good girl today? You aint no saint, you nasty

A Bitch Is A Bitch
[Narrator]
Let's describe a certain female. A female with the disease of character
and attitude. If you will a snob. However in a view of NWA...

[Ice Cube]
A bitch is a bitch (bitch)
So if I'm poor or rich (word up)
I talk in the exact same pitch
Now the title bitch don't apply to all women
But all women have a little bitch in 'em (yeah)
It's like a disease that's plagues their character
Takin' the women of America (yeah)
And it starts with a letter B
It makes a girl like that think she better than me (bitch)
See, some get mad and some just bury
But, yo, if the shoe fits wear it (wear it)
It makes 'em go deaf in the ear
That's why when you say 'hi' she won't say 'hi'
Are you the kind that think you're too damn fly?
Bitch eat shit 'n die (ha, ha)
Ice cube comin' at you at crazy pitch
(Why?) I think a bitch is a bitch

It seems like in today’s dialogue about the word “bitch” the female role in creating that standard is often ignored. Every female is not a lady. I will repeat, EVERY FEMALE IS NOT A LADY. I will speak for myself in saying that I know some “women” who I will never call a bitch, but exhibit “bitch-esque” behavior. Understandably, many women who exhibit “bitch-esque” behavior or “ho-like” tendencies have their reasons for not having more propriety, such as never being given a real example of how a real lady acts, abuse, and social manipulation. Behavior is conditioned by experience and expectations. To improve the behavior of men and women in the “Hip-Hop” community, we must first change the expectations which will help to transform their experiences. What Too Short points to here is the dichotomy of personal expectations and social expectations of young women. There is high pressure to be promiscuous, to “give it up”; but, I do believe that a real gentleman will wait patiently for you to be ready.

Somehow this generation, across racial spectra, has become desensitized to the use of the word nigger/nigga (and its derivatives). There are a couple of different ways to look at this phenomenon. Firstly, one could see it as an achievement, as a milestone in race relations. The fact that the troublesome, derogatory word nigga is has done a 180 and been transformed into a word of solidarity and brotherhood. I find that hard to believe because the word greatly bothers me intellectually and I struggle and wrestle with it socially. Before I came to Howard, I was so dead-set against the word nigga I completely frowned upon anyone who incorporated it into their regular lexicon. However, once I got here, especially freshman year, I found myself saying it over and over and over again. It almost began to feel natural which the scary part.

My usage of the word, I believe, came from the fact that I was surrounded by it. It was omnipresent and engulfing. So eventually, I succumbed to it. Once I noticed it though and realized how much of an invasive plant this word had become in my subconscious, I did what any good horticulturalist would do, root it out. In my journey to understand, reduce, and then eliminate the word from vocabulary I had to ask myself why. Why was this world so villainous and hateful and spiteful? A quick journey through Black history showed me that. The shame, the degradation, the blood, the tears, and the anguish infused into this word through centuries of disenfranchisement and displacement was enough to make me even a generation removed feel the sting of the word.

One of the reasons that I more adamantly object to the word than do a lot of other African-Americans is because in my family time has marched more slowly. My parents are both around 60 years old. So they were really beginning to come of age during the height of the Civil Rights struggle. Their direct connection with this has injected, maybe even supercharged me with an “anti-nigga” agenda. However, what I realize now is that for most African-Americans there is a generation sandwiched in between the time that my parents came of age and when I was born, the children of the late 60’s/early 70’s. These children have helped progress the march of time in the inevitable healing process, more than likely as a backlash to the hypersensitivity of their parents. Every generation removed from the Civil Rights era dilutes the potency of the racist doctrine, moving us closer to the eventual “mountaintop” of which King so eloquently spoke in his “I Have A Dream” Speech. I think this is what John McWhorter is trying to get at in his book, Losing the Race.

Also worth noting is the cultural divide that occurred in the 80’s as those late 60s/early 70s kids were trying to make sense of the world. We lost an element of historical context and understanding as to what we, as a people, had been through. That’s part of what makes Hip-Hop authentic and non-authentic. It’s derived from an inability to understand the complexity of the system that was at work around them due to the personal lack of historical context beyond pop culture, which, long story short, is a result of the absentee-ism of strong adult role models. Here we are again with “kids raising kids”. Nigga is a word that comes with a social responsibility few of us are willing to adopt and uphold. I think if you are bold enough to use the word nigga you have to do so with the understanding of what it has represented over time. The next book I’m going to buy is going to be Nigger by Randall Kennedy. I’ve been meaning to buy it but writing this has charged me and my wallet to do something. But anyway, nigga just can’t be hip lingo and a cool word that “don’t mean nothin’”. When Tupac coined the acronym “Never Ignorant Getting Goals Accomplished”, did we really buy into that or just go along with nigga as a means of global self-deprecation?

It’s funny how this one word has come so far. When the NAACP decided to bury the word “nigga”, I shook my head. The Last Poets put my thoughts down best on Nas’ Untitled (Nigger) album on “Project Roach".

“It is absolutely silly and unproductive to have a funeral for the word nigger, when the actions continue. We need to have a movement to resurrect brothers and sisters, not a funeral for niggers. ‘Cause niggers don’t die”

Nas’ Untitled album expresses the conflicting social morays and expectations between the “hood” and the rest of the world. It’s really more so a lesson in culture clash. I listened to the album and then I read the lyrics to each song. He never really offers a clear picture on his feelings about the word. It’s more of a denotative vs. connotative analysis of what being a nigger/nigga means. Consciously or subconsciously, that’s something I think every Black person struggles with. Because defensively, I think a lot of people cling to their “nigganess” once it comes under attack, yet they know that it is at times very self-destructive. And no matter how you want to articulate late it, “nigganess” is one of undergirdings of “Blackness.” We cannot continue to intellectually disassociate the two. That only causes alienation and more hostility. Do we really have time for that? Ohh, and no matter what your race is, I will never endorse the use of the word “nigga”; however, if that’s what you choose to self-identify as, I’m not going to hate on that but I would caution you to understand the weight of that word before you pick it up.

What I do often wonder to myself is how will the story of "Hip-Hop" be told to this generation's children? Will it be a footnote or a chapter on its own? I think what we have seen is that this generation, my generation, has really begun to take up the mantle that was apparently lost 40 years ago. There is a culture change afoot. With Hip-Hop being as constantly evolutionary as it is, when will the positivity publicly put towards Barack Obama be translated into positivity privately in our homes and neighborhoods and communities? Hip-hop has a big mouth; but, can it back it up?

Hip Hop (In Social Application)

Part 1 of Hip Hop (In Social Application); Part 2 of Hip Hop

You really are on your own...maybe?

In the social sciences, the clearest demarkation in cultures is how women are treated in society. So I thought I'd begin with that part in examining the social applications of Hip-Hop.

“I used to be clean in my Expedition. A girl see me and she'll be wishin'. That I'd stop and spit some pimpin'. It's mackin' in me baby, I just thought I would mention.” - Crunchy Black

The evident themes here to me are commercialism, materialism, capitalism really, and some misogyny as well. Lyrics like these point to in my mind two very different social stimuli that have been reinforced in males and females. Firstly, in males, that misogyny and really playing the field really are not only acceptable but expected. It intimates that there is no love here. Secondly, for females, that they are supposed to want a suitor for his material possessions and that they are expected to be seduced by “things” and by what Aaliyah would term as “loose rap.” 

If these two social theories are true, then that’s pretty sad. It also shows that women are complicit in their objectification. If the reason why a woman is attracted to a man is for the sole purpose of security, then she has abdicated her free will and ceded it to that man who holds her “security” in his hand and at his discretion. Intriguingly though, the women’s power surge of the 90’s and into the 00’s has caused a role reversal or shift which allows men to seek out women who are going to take care of them “just like they momma did,” as evidenced by songs like "She Got Her Own." I find any doctrine that preaches anything other than self-reliance to be a troublesome one (Yes, even religion and reliance on God.). It's funny how, as I kind of bring up later, even though we uplift Black women and praise them for being there. They are always the first to be turned on. (Sorry ladies) Instead of looking internally to solve problems, we move externally to create them for others.

Beverly Peele-graced 250+ magazine covers...

Getting back to this whole notion of Hip-Hop going soft from the original note, I was watching the new Jadakiss video the other day, entitled By My Sidefeaturing Ne-Yo. If that’s not soft, then I definitely don’t know what is. He spends the entire video chasing this one girl and pouring out all these platitudes about sincerity and wanting to support her and needing her in his life. Anywho, maybe this is just my troublemaker side, but I noticed that the young lady he spent the video chasing, happened to be very light-skinned. And I wondered to myself, “Hmmm…has this light-skinned obsession gone away?” And then I peeped the rest of the videos on the list Mr. Johnson, Jr. posted on his list and it appears as though the answer is no. I’m still trying to understand the basis for these colorisms in the Black community, particularly in entertainment and the arts. After the early 90’s/late 80’s Black model boom, the well dried up in haute couture. There has always been a lack of darker-skinned “video vixens”; however, before I go pointing fingers of blame at some deep-seated intra-racial hatred, this could be attributed also quite simply to a lack of interest. Women have always complained about the way in which they are depicted in these videos, maybe more darker-skinned women feeling excluded, unwanted or not interested, just stopped showing up to shoots. It’s really just something to think about.

The diversity of my musical interests often leaves me seated at a variety of tables engaging in a variety of discussions. One thing that has always boggled my mind is the discussion of Jazz as the only true American art form. First off, how is that possible when its roots are African? Secondly, even if you are claiming the proliferation of jazz as the reason why it’s the only true American art form, why is it that the history of Congo Square in New Orleans is underemphasized in the public discussion of jazz’s origins and the fact that the overwhelming of the greatest jazz musicians were people of color. I also find it interesting how even in the Black community, jazz like pretty much all achievements of people of color has been co-opted into being a White thing. What I would love to know is why are Black people always so willing to peremptorily give others credit without any further thought or investigation. “Is it good? The White man did it.” And beyond that, why is it that Hip-Hop is never included in the discussion of musical art, or as the only truly American art form, which it truly is?

Cultural Awareness?

To the earlier point, I think some of us are familiar, at least in passing with the term, “Black Wall Street.” I had heard it before but knew a little about it, mainly that it was in Tulsa, OK and was destroyed in the midst of race riots; but, I had never really researched it and still haven’t fully. One day, it was an early Sunday afternoon in November before the games had started, like right after 12, I just got on wikipedia and had an itch to look up “Black Wall Street,” what I found was that the term not only applied to financially profitable neighborhoods in Tulsa but in Durham, NC and Richmond, VA. These neighborhoods, sad to say, no longer exist in their previous condition are kept alive by small memorials of the impact which they once had. This also serves as the name of The Game’s record label, The Black Wall Street Records. That in and of itself shows how much Hip-Hop has taken on the role of being a socio-cultural guardian of history. 

To me, Hip-Hop, at its essence, is firmly rooted in the Sankofa principle of “go back and fetch it,” simply utilizing the past as an impetus to propel you forward. Hip-Hop finds its greatest universal appeal and success when that issue becomes prescient in the music. The most notable way of doing that is sampling. A good sample, done the right way, pays homage to that artist and to the music industry as a whole. A bad sample subverts the best of that former work into a greedy grab for commercial capital. When I think of good samples or even slight remakes, the song that pops out in my head is Gangsta’s Paradise sampled from Stevie Wonder’s Pastime Paradise. In examining both songs, Pastime Paradise is a call for people to wake up from the ignorant stupor in which they had been living and asks the question “What are we living for?” Coolio responds by saying “still nothing.” Gangsta’s Paradise sets up the paradoxical reality, basically that “I wanna do right; but, wrong is all around me.” 

DANGER: BEWARE OF SCATTERED PIECES OF MASCULINITY AND FAMILY BONDS

I think that’s still the situation that a lot of young urban people are still facing today when all the institutions of society which are supposed to give their lives structure readily crack and crumble all around them. The common idiom these days is “Kids raising kids” or “Babies raising babies”; and, I believe that’s true but not in the sense that it’s intended. The institution of family is supposed to be the basis for our understanding of and introduction to the world. What kind of message are we sending when kids walk into a “broken” home? That the world is full of brokenness and incompleteness and people who aren’t there to love, care and support you? That’s what it sounds like. 

“I dropped the D because I’m a Jr.,” Wayne explained to the CBS anchor. “My father is living and he’s not in my life. He’s never been in my life. I don’t want to be 'Dwayne', I’d rather be 'Wayne'.” Couric then asked Wayne if his father knows that. “He knows now.”- Lil Wayne

Before your ABCs?

A lot of my friends, particularly those younger than me, don’t feel as though they were really raised by their parents; but essentially by their friends. You have this original family unit which is broken and shattered by whatever problems came before this child’s entrance into the world, which is suddenly thrust upon this child and the world they have been thrown into. So this child who has been emotionally abandoned by his immediate family, who often times seek to coddle him/her with toys and trinkets and the fly flashy clothes, is left to find another social unit to replace the foundation which he or she has lost. The ability of people to gravitate to those who are similar to themselves in age and status allows kids to grab on to kids and form social networks of friends, each of whom take the tidbit of adultness that they see around them and try to instill it into each other. This phenomena, thusly creates a network of kids raising kids- kids teaching kids to be something that they have never been, adults. So quickly, the problem is evident. This is where you see gang activity often. How can you lead successfully lead someone down a road you have never been on?

There seems to be a high level of parent-child disconnect in the Black community from earlier and earlier ages. Some blame the crack boom in the inner city for creating a nation of “latch-key kids” who in turn produced more latch-key kids, who are left to find for themselves while their parents do whatever it is that they do. Those are the kind of stories that you hear most often in Hip-Hop, on the rap side at least- these tales of brokenness and incompleteness, these lives of lack. Most artists who took to the drug game before trying this newly opened commercial market known as Hip-Hop did so with regret and remorse not for sport or for fun but because they felt and really saw that at the time, it was the most viable option to produce income. When you effectively box in the majority of the legal ways to go about doing something essential to survival, you take extralegal means to do so. 

Now ain't nobody tell us it was fair
No love from my daddy cause the coward wasn't there
He passed away and I didn't cry, cause my anger
wouldn't let me feel for a stranger
They say I'm wrong and I'm heartless, but all along
I was lookin for a father he was gone
I hung around with the Thugs, and even though they sold drugs
They showed a young brother love
I moved out and started really hangin
I needed money of my own so I started slangin
I ain't guilty cause, even though I sell rocks
It feels good puttin money in your mailbox
I love payin rent when the rent's due
I hope ya got the diamond necklace that I sent to you
Cause when I was low you was there for me
And never left me alone because you cared for me
And I could see you comin home after work late
You're in the kitchen tryin to fix us a hot plate
Ya just workin with the scraps you was given
And mama made miracles every Thanksgivin
But now the road got rough, you're alone
You're tryin to raise two bad kids on your own
And there's no way I can pay you back
But my plan is to show you that I understand
You are appreciated- 2Pac "Dear Mama"

Where are you gonna go?

It’s like having to pee with no bathroom around; what do you do? You make one. You could simply wait around for something to happen; but when it comes to the point that that need becomes urgent enough you will do what you have to do. Conversely though, after someone does put a bathroom near you, are you going to stop peeing where you've become accustomed to doing so? A bit graphic of an analogy, I know, but analogous all the same. When you've been trained to perform a certain way through social expectations, will you ever be able to break that habit of performing those expectations, even when given opportunities to exceed and excel far beyond the limits of those expectations. It's like taking the blinders of a horse really. That, however, in no way obviates our personal responsibility to better ourselves individually. However, it is imperative that when it comes to placing judgment that we do not seek to condemn but, merely offer alternatives.

While I appreciate and can respect the entrepreneurial ingenuity it takes to be a successful drug dealer, it is something that I would never glorify to my children. This is mainly because I had an intervening force in my life that showed me a legal and legitimate way to do the things I needed to do to live everyday. My father, and at one point my mother also, would get up everyday early in the morning, get ready for work, get me ready for school, go to work, and come home everyday. There was always food on the table and love in the family. I saw from an early age that a positive work ethic can get you all the things you need in life. But maybe, I’m the exception and not the rule. And that in and of itself is sad enough...

When I was young me and my mama had beef
Seventeen years old kicked out on the streets
Though back at the time, I never thought I'd see her face
Ain't a woman alive that could take my mama's place
Suspended from school; and scared to go home, I was a fool
with the big boys, breakin all the rules
I shed tears with my baby sister
Over the years we was poorer than the other little kids
And even though we had different daddy's, the same drama
When things went wrong we'd blame mama
I reminice on the stress I caused, it was hell
Huggin on my mama from a jail cell
And who'd think in elementary?
Heeey! I see the penitentiary, one day
And runnin from the police, that's right
Mama catch me, put a whoopin to my backside
And even as a crack fiend, mama
You always was a black queen, mama
I finally understand
for a woman it ain't easy tryin to raise a man
You always was committed
A poor single mother on welfare, tell me how ya did it
There's no way I can pay you back
But the plan is to show you that I understand
You are appreciated -2Pac "Dear Mama"

''Our parents were always working, so we were latch-key kids, I guess,'' he remembers. ''The gang life had a strong pull on young kids. These were the people we looked up to; they had the jewelry and the girls.''- Donell Jones

Hip-Hop (In Cultural Evolution)

I was reflecting on my musical influences and just life in general as usual. I've been working on this "ode to Hip-Hop." In also reflecting on my past notes, I decided to break this into two pieces because it was getting kinda long. Please comment and tell me what you think...here goes:

Part I (Reminiscence)

Hip Hop Lives(I Come Back) by KRS-ONE

Hip means to know
It's a form of intelligence
To be hip is to be up-date and relevant
Hop is a form of movement
You can't just observe a hop
You got to hop up and do it
Hip and Hop is more than music
Hip is the knowledge
Hop is the movement
Hip and Hop is intelligent movement
All relevant movement
We selling the music
So write this down on your black books and journals
Hip Hop culture is eternal
Run and tell all your friends
An ancient civilization has bee born again
It's a fact

I come back
Every year I'm the Strongest
Krs-one, Marley Marl
Yup we last the longest
Let's go
I come back
Cause I'm not in the physical
I create myself man I live in the spiritual
I come back through the cycles of life
If you been here once you gone be here twice
So I tell you
I come back
Cause you must learn too
Hip Hop culture is eternal

Hip Hop (Shan!)

Her Infinite Power
Helping Oppressed People
We are unique and unequaled

I was reading an article on yahoo.com the other day about how hip hop has gone soft. The examples he listed were interesting. As someone who stays on the periphery of new music, I hadn’t heard most of these songs. However, after some reflection, I had to concur with his assessment there is definitely a “for the ladies’” feel to most of the music out today. As a late 80’s babies, I have only the vaguest of memories of the nascence of hip hop but what I do remember is that the early 90’s was a time in which the airwaves were taken over by “gangsta rap.” The most potent evidence of the exploding commercial value of “gangsta rap” is that of MC Hammer’s Star Warsian ("Luke, Come to the Dark Side") conversion from genie pants and a kid friendly attitude to the ultra-adult, baggy jeans and jersey approach he used while trying to relate to the “urban” audience by objectifying women with his ill-fated track, “Pumps and a Bump,” and his signing to the infamous and notorious Death Row Records. So even the most goodie of goodie two-shoes, MC Hammer who went from his own family-friendly cartoon show to this pseudo-“gangstaism,” was susceptible to the trap of fast money and trends. The fact that he was constantly in debt might also have spurred this change of heart as well.

As hip-hop pushed towards the new millennium(roughly '94-'98), we found ourselves in what I like to call the “Shiny Suit Era.” This period was all about immediate flash and ostentation. My favorite example of this is the Bad Boy label. My favorite being "Feels So Good" by Mase ft. Puff Daddy. If Diddy and Mase would’ve put on one more of those ridiculous outfits, I don’t know what I would’ve done. The bigger, the brighter, the more glitzy or glamorous, the better. But that what was the style of the time, it was pervasive throughout public fashion as well, an obsession with bright, loud and obnoxious colors in the largest sizes possible. That’s also the way that the music videos were shot as well. I remember the video for Missy Elliot’s debut song, “The Rain(Supa Dupa Fly).” The raw color of that video was enough to blind you. It was all bright and fast moving. Maybe this was also indicative of the perceived economic future of the time. (Ohh, the Clinton years.) And further on that color note, does anyone else remember the intro to the show, Smart Guy, shiny, right? Lol

The latter half of the Shiny Suit Era gave way to “Bling Bling” created by the Cash Money Millionaires(roughly '98-'03). The Bling Bling Era, in my opinion was really the point at which Hip Hop over-commercialized itself and distanced itself a great deal from its socio-politically revolutionary roots. Every song on the radio was talking about “blinging” or “shining” or some other non-creative, generic rap about egotistical materialism. I grew up lower-middle class, so that bling was truly beyond my reach. I just remember in junior high how everyone was obsessed with having some sort of shine and chains were the thing. Suddenly, it became not acceptable but necessary for a man to accessorize his outfit with jewelry. This only intensified the general teasing and immaturity of adolescence and served as a visual demarcation between the haves and have nots; however, this materialism drove a lot of haves to become hads and the have nots to become the have even lesses. The free money party of the Clinton era was drying up. I remember a distinct uptick in the number of evictions and the number of people once again living beyond their means. (But for some I suppose one eviction isn’t enough, see housing crisis 08). Anyway, I hit a tangent. “Bling” became so pervasive throughout the global culture Merriam-Webster added it to the dictionary; it grew beyond racial boundaries and found itself falling out of the mouths of Caucasian Americans throughout the land, even that of former presidential candidate Gov. Mitt Romney. So, as is the typical quality of African-Americans, whenever something that starts homegrown becomes transplanted into the national consciousness, it’s time to switch the style up. Andre 3000 says in the song, Hollywood Divorce, “Hollywood divorce. All the fresh styles always start off as a good little hood thing, look at blues, rock, jazz, rap. Not even talkin about music, everything else too. By the time it reach Hollywood it's over; but it's cool. We just keep it goin and make new shit.”

Right now though, it feels like hip hop is going through a phase I like to term the “Light (Low and Tight) Era.(roughly '05-current)” I think that’s best exhibited by today’s fashion. Yeah, the jeans still sag; but, now they’re skinny now. The shirts are still long but they are tucked tight and made in a size only known as “smedium.” For a man of my size, being “trendy” and “fashionable” nowadays is a scary proposition. So I wear what’s comfortable, as I would suggest for anyone; but, I don’t see the comfort in skinny jeans for men. Maybe I’m crazy. Moving back to the article I cited earlier from yahoo, in a blog by Billy Johnson, Jr. posted on Dec 23, 2008, he discussed how “basically, every rap artist who has released a song this year has borrowed LL Cool J's "I Need Love" hip-hop ballad formula to find their way on the charts,” and how even though,” The hip-hop ballad has been the hip-hop artist's no-brainer way to secure radio play for several years... things have recently intensified.” Some of the songs he cites from ’08 are “Love Lockdown” by Kanye West, “Sensual Seduction” by Snoop Dogg, “Whatever You Like” by T.I., “Put It On Ya” by Plies ft. Chris J, “Kiss Me Through the Phone” by Soulja Boy Tell’em ft. Sammie, “Camera Phone” by The Game ft. Ne-Yo, and “One and Only” by Nelly.

In listening to these songs and examining the top Billboard songs throughout the year, stuff like “Miss Independent”, “Green Light” and “Single Ladies”, lead me to believe that 2008 in the Hip-Hop/R&B community was really the year of the ladies, especially the rise of Jazmine Sullivan. Hip-Hop has definitely let its R&B side show in early 2009 continuing the 2008 push. Is this a bad thing? Not necessarily. I hope it’s a trend that leads to an upgrading of the citizenship status of women in Hip Hop culture. It seems like a complete 180, an about face from the early 90’s with groups like the Two Live Crew and pretty much all of hip-hop dogging women. It seems like hip-hop is constantly in this flux between its R&B side and its Rap side. Maybe this is an acknowledgement of the growing social influence of women or just an occasional spike on the meter.

One of the questions I am most frequently asked is, “What kind of music do you listen to?” My ear is extremely eclectic and diverse, we can move from Jazz to Opera to Gospel to Hip-Hop to Classic Soul to Classical to Blues to Rock to Reggae to Alternative to Pop to Funk to Go-Go to World to Bluegrass to Country and then back again. Right now, I’m listening to Reggaeton as I’m writing this. I think this is the first Reggaeton song I’ve listened to that hasn’t sucked to me. Maybe that’ll be the next thing I incorporate in my regular rotation.

But of all those differing styles, the one I love the most is definitely Hip-Hop because to me it is the most intriguing. Despite how derivative it can be at times, Hip-Hop has to be the most diverse, innovative, and linguistically challenging form of music out there. The art of sampling allows it to take the best of other forms and transform it to something uniquely Hip-Hop. Beyond that, linguistically, the phrasing, diction, and lexicon of Hip-Hop is constantly growing and evolving. Hip-Hop is also a self-edifying and updating work of art mainly because it depends on several different literary devices to get its point across, most notably:

• hyperbole- obvious, intentional exaggeration (e.g."Some say that I'm nasty. Plus, hookaz are mad because they can't outlast me. Girl, you ain't too small, cause I turn your crystal to one size fits all "- Kool G.Rap "Talk Like Sex"



• metaphor- A figure of speech in which a word or phrase that ordinarily designates one thing is used to designate another, thus making an implicit comparison (e.g. "I am the American dream, the rape of Africa, the undying machine, the overpriced medicine, the murderous regime, the tough guy's front,
  and the one behind the scenes"- Lupe Fiasco "Put You On Game")

• allusion- an indirect or casual reference to something not explicitly stated (e.g. "Me and the boy AI got more in common than just ballin and rhymin get it, more in Carmen . I came in your belly backseat, skeeted in your jeep. Left condoms on your baby seat"- Jay-Z "Superugly" [in which he alludes to the fact that both he and basketball player Allen Iverson had affairs with rapper Nas' first wife, Carmen Bryan. This is also a pun.])



• simile- a figure of speech in which two unlike things are explicitly compared, featuring the use of the words "like" or "as" (e.g."I'm standing on the roof of my building. I'm feeling the whirlwind of beef. I inhale it, just like an acrobat ready to hurl myself through the hoops of fire, sippin 80 proof, bulletproof under my attire." - Nas "Black Republicans" )

Also, one of the most unique things about Hip-Hop is the art of the sample. Sampling, for those who aren't familiar, is the usage of other previously recorded works as the beat or background music for new work. The art of the sample is what helps to keep the history of Hip-Hop and its predecessors alive. One of the most sampled musicians in Hip-Hop is definitely Isaac Hayes. Hayes' remake of the Burt Bacharach's classic, "The Look of Love," has been sampled by Ashanti (Rain on Me), Snoop Dogg (G'z Up,Ho's Down), and Jay-Z (Can I Live). Also, his remake of Walk On By has been sampled most notably by 2Pac (Me Against the World), the Wu Tang Clan (I Can't Go to Sleep), and Biggie Smalls(Warning). Hip-Hop transmits this music that was recorded decades prior to its reconstituted Hip-Hop forms to a new generation. I think that anyone who has a passion for Hip-Hop has to have a profound appreciation for other genres because of the interplay. When Kanye West sampled Daft Punk in Stronger, most people scratched their heads because they had/have no clue who Daft Punk is. Hip-Hop leaves a lot of lessons unlearned because it seems like this generation, in general, just consumes the product without a hunger to learn more about it. Anyone can tell you that a song features a sample but the question is do they know or even want to know anything about the original.

Hip-Hop is literally a catalog for pop culture references and historical documentation. For example, I’m a huge Biggie Smalls/Notorious B.I.G. fan. I noticed how in a good deal of his songs he often referred to himself as the Black Frank White. In my head I always wondered, “Who is this Frank White that Biggie is continually referencing?” I did a little research and found out that Frank White was a fictional drug lord, portrayed by Christopher Walken, in the movie, King of New York, released in 1990. Also, the name Biggie Smalls itself is taken from the role of actor Calvin Lockhart in the 1975 movie Let’s Do It Again, which featured a bevy of prominent Black actors and actresses of the time. Hip-Hop is built from esoteric references (e.g. Fabolous line- "Even with chicks beggin me for dick regularly. A nigga known for gettin rid of weight like Dick Gregory"; Jay-Z- "So tall and lanky, my suit it should thank me. I make it look good to be this hood Meyer Lansky. Mixed with Lucky Lefty, gangsta effortlessly. Papa was a rollin' stone it's in my ancestry.")

Also noteworthy is the proliferation of music made about and/or featuring the name Barack Obama in the Hip-Hop community. In an article in the Washington Post awhile back, there was a featured story I believe in the Style section that detailed the growing usage of Obama in lyricism. In my mind I go back to Young Jeezy’s intro to the “Love Your Girl” Remix with The Dream. The very first words out of his mouth are, “Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama.” The obvious question is “Why?” I still don’t know the answer but he felt it important enough to “big him up” in a song that was completely unrelated to anything political.

In a recent interview, rapper Common stated that "I really do believe we, as hip-hop artists, pick up what's going on in the world. I think hip-hop artists will have no choice but to talk about different things and more positive things. Try to bring a brighter side to that because, even before Barack, I think people had been tired of hearing the same thing." Hip-Hop is its own form of social commentary and political punditry. He collects data and analyzes events. I like to use the example of Biggie’s Juicy lyrics “Now I'm in the limelight 'cause I rhyme tight. Time to get paid, blow up like the World Trade.” This small nugget evokes memories of the collective conscious from the first World Trade Center bombing in New York and simultaneously points out the commercialization of hip-hop and its transformative ability to take situations of abject poverty and flip them into commercial capital.

Hip-Hop lyrically is Urban America's journal. It is our public discourse with the world which exhibits our particular brand of ingenue and intelligence. Hip-Hop has transformed the similes of Shakespeare, "Why, man, he doth bestride the narrow world like a Colossus (from Julius Caesar)" expressing sentiments of dismay at the growing power of Caesar to "tell you dudes what I do to protect this, shoot at you actors like movie directors(PSA)" by Jay-Z which offers the inverse, almost the Caesarean point of view if he were truly the tyrant that Brutus saw him becoming. Personally, I just wonder what it takes to get the world to recognize the artistry of Hip-Hop for the intrinsic greatness. Hip-Hop is America; Hip-Hop is the world.

I'm not saying all of this to over-intellectualize Hip-Hop. However, there is definitely an intellectual element that is often overlooked, even by the rappers themselves. You may ask yourself in reading this as I did in writing it, "Do these dudes even do this stuff on purpose or is it just par for the course?" My answer is this: I believe that all the puns, allusions, metaphors, similes, hyperbola are definitely intentional. While the technical jargon of English used to describe these phenomena may escape the cognitive awareness of these men and women, they are no less adept in using it, which in many ways makes it all the more interesting. Hip-Hop is worth the intellectual investigation, if only out of sheer curiosity. Too many of us just accept the lyrics that we hear because "the beat is tight" without really analyzing the lyrics.

Most of Hip-Hop is birthed out of this Shakespearean sentiment from his play, As You Like It

Duke Senior:
Sweet are the uses of adversity,
Which, like the toad, ugly and venomous,
Wears yet a precious jewel in his head;
And this our life, exempt from public haunt,
Finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks,
Sermons in stones, and good in every thing.